Alcoholic dating another alcoholic
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, but assuming that we would not want our emotional and mental well-being to hinge on a miracle, is it worth the risk?
But this is not what the recovering addict is thinking about.
Some are deeply spiritual people whose lives are infused with meaning and purpose, while others volunteer in their communities or have interesting hobbies that keep them grounded.
Do they fight about who cleaned out the bank account for the last binge? Do you know of a couple that are both addicted to a substance who have actually made their relationship work?
Do they actually get along well enough that neither of them feel ashamed for the things they do? Or a couple that dived all the way to Hell together?
Many have a hard time accepting that a hiatus from intimate relationships is necessary.
In their minds, dating and new relationships seem benign.
When it comes to delaying gratification, when it comes to "choosing" between "one step at a time" versus "all at once," thinking in terms of gradual and taking time to develop and being objective and realistic are not how addicts are wired. Most recovering addicts don't realize that admitting to being out of control and surrendering to their powerlessness, as having done so in Steps I and II, also apply to their emotions when dating and in early stage relationships.
The problem is not the relationship or the intimacy. Sex tends to increase one's level of emotional involvement and intensity of feelings, especially for women.After dating one dud after another, you finally find someone who seems to have it all – thoughtful, witty, responsible – and good-looking to boot.Then they drop a bomb: “I used to be a drug addict.” They may as well have said, “I’m married.” But does one partner being in recovery automatically spell doom for a relationship?Men and women learn a lot in recovery, not just about staying sober but living a happy, satisfying life.They don’t need to be taken care of; they learned how to do that for themselves.The simple truth is that a glass of wine or two helps you relax; anything more than that is unhealthy coping with issues of which you’re not yet aware. Sure, if someone orders five beers over the course of the night, you’re going to ask yourself, I hope, is he an alcoholic? Shot-taking is something that many young men and women do, but as they mature and grow into adulthood, this behavior becomes far less common.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating